I got a phone call from a friend who told me her daughter was going to get a divorce. She was so distraught that I thought she might start to cry as she was telling me her daughter’s story. Fortunately she was able to swallow her tears and talk to me with only several cracks in her voice.
Her daughter and son-in-law had been together over fifteen years and although she knew there were problems in their marriage, she never dreamed that they would divorce. They had two children whom they both adored. They lived in a beautiful home, belonged to a country club, and seemed to be financially well off. When they announced their intention to divorce, their friends were shocked.
My friend wasn’t shocked; she knew they weren’t happy. She’d seen them live sort of separate lives, as if they each were single people who just bunked in the same house and took care of the same children. Over the years they began to spend less and less time with one another. Until they moved into that time span when one of the spouses began to wonder who their mate was spending time with. Her daughter reached that point in her life when she had to decide whether to stay or not to stay. She decided not to stay.
My friend couldn’t undertand it. She had know so many people in her own generation that stayed in exactly the same kind of marriages. They weren’t good, but they were comfortable. The children grew up with both a mothers and fathers in the home. They didn’t have to explain themselves to their friends. And, shock of all shocks, my friend knew people who had been at each others throats during their mid-life years, who in their advanced years had become good friends and even felt love for one another.
“Why not just hang in there?” she asked her daughter. Her daughter looked at her mother as if she were crazy.
“I deserve better than that,” was her answer. Oh, I didn’t tell you that she is a member of the me generation.
I understand where each one of them is coming from. I think they are both right. There is no one answer to that question, to stay ot not to stay? Each person has to answer that question for themselves, no matter to which generation they belong.
